Warning LGBTQ+ content: Dear Rob

No photo to start of with. This is a story I wanted to write for years as there really doesn’t pass a day I don’t think about it and it probably defined my future in relationships adding to love but also anxiety. If you are not appreciative of LGBTQ+ now is the time to leave my blog.

And to anyone in Human Resources this is a story of a 19 years old boy from a village who had a one year relationship with the most wonderful woman in the world before and never ever repeated that one step throughout his career.

Again visiting the forbidden fruit, las Veronica’s, I saw one of the guest from the hotel with his friend who were very chatty to me all the time at the reception. I want to point out that until this day my experience in the gay world was mainly in my mind, apart from some soft experiences at college (I won’t mention who but if you read this you know). Both were from London, clearly on a booze vacation as they were drinking and partying every night and told me as well about it. For some reason I couldn’t stop looking at that friend as he was very kind and handsome. I ran into them in busbies night club which was the “house” club which I loved, said hello and that was it. Later I saw them as well in shamrock pub but didn’t think of anything.

The way back to the hotel from Veronica’s was about 20 minutes walk or maybe longer who knows I would never remember. On my way home I saw the cute guy being carried by his friend, clearly as he had too much to drink. I was hesitant to approach them still me being an employee out in the “forbidden fruit” area and them being guest.

So it happened that they entered the hotel before me but stayed in the lobby as the handsome guy had an argument with his friend and I happened to walk in when the handsome one stormed off. I approached the other guy and asked him if he was ok, if there is anything I could do.

That’s how I met Rob. He was clearly shaken as he couldn’t believe how drunk his friend was, the cute one I always fancied, and that every night he had to carry him home. Rob was drunk but not that drunk. So we started chatting, he was from the outside London area and a lawyer. We chatted so much that at some point he asked if we wanted to sit down to chat.

So we sat down in an area of the hotel bar which was already closed, and started chatting about god and the world. It felt super nice, we had a great conversation about his life and he showed interest in my life. What I remember was that he had a gold ring on which was from his grand mother and he also had a piercing, which he showed me, on his right nipple. I have no idea why he showed me that. The more intense the conversation went, the more I actually started liking the situation.

As both of us weren’t that drunk, we wanted to get a drink. Impossible for me in the hotel, so we went to the night club metropolis, which was part of the hotel but not really. Now I know it was a third party but at that time I had no idea about third parties.

So we went to Metropolis, had couple of drinks and then as it was late we wanted to call it a night. I don’t remember who but one of us suggested to go to the beach. Now, I do need to point out that in Playa de las Americas police was patrolling the beach as it was not allowed to be there during the night.

So we went to the rocky beach outside the night club and sat on some rocks, continued talking and at some point we kissed, a feeling I was longing for so long and never had before. The rest I will leave out of this blog, just a little anecdote while we were on the rocks, the lights of the police went over our head but didn’t catch us.

The next day they departed. I was working at the reception, we exchanged addresses, yes there was no email or no mobile phone. I don’t even have a picture of Rob. But Rob has one of me. At the moment of departure, his friend said let’s take a picture. But what happened was his friend threw himself on the floor, so only Rob and me were on the picture. I have never seen it.

I didn’t know what to think of the situation at all. I felt confused but also attracted to the situation and to Rob. He was the first man I developed feelings towards to. The weeks passed and I continued to think about Rob and the experience on the rocks. And then the letter arrived from him, and then some other letters from him when I was back in Austria.

But the story couldn’t continue as I lived in Austria and him in London. So it faded out. But let me tell you in my 13 years living in London, I didn’t think only once or twice, I thought all the time how can I meet him again. But there was no way,I appreciated what he told me in one of the lastletters that he wasn’t out but he enjoyed the time with me. I don’t know but Rob shaped the rest of my relationships in one way or the other. I now know that he was my first love, a love I couldn’t have but a love which showed me what love is, and also created the anxiety in love.

I still have those letters and I also returned to that rock and honestly Rob even though he is not an active part of my life, he always will.